Do I Really Want to Write a Novel?

I had great expectations when I set up this blog a little over a month ago.  I was certain that by now I would have a series of blog posts published here and the theme, subject, location, and time period for a novel decided.  Instead I have no new blog posts and, not only have I not settled on the focus of a novel, I've pretty much decided not to write one at all!

This morning I read Jenna Avery's most recent blog post, How to Finish Your Novel at Any Age.  Fredrica, the woman she interviews, is inspiring.  I, too, am a member of Jenna's Writer's Circle and agree with what Fredrica says about the circle in the interview.  The opportunity for community, daily accountability, and support from its gifted and qualified coaches -- Jenna, Jill and Sarah -- was exactly what I needed to finish my memoir and continue to write after it was completed.

The interview made me turn inward, to think about what I want for myself now as I enter a new phase in my life.  I've written for as long as I can remember, over fifty years.  But I've never written from a strong desire to publish or so that I could consider myself a writer or be acknowledged as one by others.  I wrote because I learned when I was still in my teens that writing is the best way for me to clarify my thoughts, feelings, and what I really believe about something.

I wrote the memoir because the particular writing coach/teacher I wanted to work with urged me to do so.  It was a good call on her part, because writing my story lifted my skills to a higher level and helped me to understand myself and my life more clearly.  I also learned what it takes to see a long project all the way through a final draft.

But... have I completed the only long project I have in me?  Am I that interested in beginning another one at my age?  And if so, why a novel?  Why not another memoir or a work of nonfiction?  Why not a collection of theme-related poems compiled into a chapbook?

I know a novel can be written, as Jenna says, at any age, but do I want to do it?  Like Fredrica, I have felt a calling to write a novel and have actually written one -- a very poor draft of one -- every November for the past several years, but they've never held my interest long enough to go back and rework them after the month has passed.  As a writer, I'm ashamed to admit that I don't see myself as a particularly good storyteller.  It is difficult for me to make up unique characters or intriguing plots.

Today we begin another session of the Writers Circle.  Even though I've managed to stay connected to the group and the coaches the last two months when I've not had a specific project, I don't believe I've taken full advantage of the opportunity it offers.

Jenna's Writer's Circle helps many begin to write again and for them, that's invaluable.  For me, the Writer's Circle is most beneficial when I have a project.  I've been using the current upheaval in my life (see my blog post Leaving the Place you Once Loved) as an excuse for not committing to anything other than daily journaling.  But I journal whether I'm in the Circle or not.

I want a specific project to focus on this next session of the Circle.  But the question is -- do I really want it to be a novel?