What if you are not and never will be, a Grandmother?

Tara Mohr has issued a challenge:  Write a blog post about grandmother power.  She says we need it in our world today and I agree.  But what exactly is grandmother power?  Who has it?  Do you have to be of a certain age?  Have grandchildren?  And what about the word power, a word that, as women, can have a negative connotation.  We've watched men use power against others, even against us, and we may emphatically state that we want none of that.

So before I could write a post about Grandmother power I had to define grandmother and define power.  And I had to face a painful reality of my own.

I will never be a grandmother.

I know I'm not alone.  More women are choosing not to marry or to have children.  Some find they are unable to conceive, to give birth.  And even if we are able to bear children, they may grow up and decide not to follow our example.

This is my situation. 

I had one son.  He was difficult to conceive and it was a miracle that I was able to carry him to term.  He is now grown and I am of that certain grandmotherly age. But recently he told me that he doubts he will marry and now that he's pushing forty I'm pretty sure he knows his own mind.  He also has strong feelings against bringing more children into the world as it is now.

That pretty much takes care of my opportunity to be a grandmother and know that special kind of joy many of my friends are experiencing.

Perhaps the definition of the word grandmother needs to be broadened.  In the past elderly women have been referred to as crones or wise women.  The term crone has taken on a negative connotation in our society, but many women of my generation are embracing it anyway.  We like the sound of it.  We don't need to do or be anything other than older.  After long and very busy lives, this can feel pretty damn good.

As for the term wise woman, we are not thought of as important or wise by the majority of the population or in the national conversation.  Oh, we might think of our own grandmothers or mothers or aunts or elderly friends as wise and turn to them for support and advice, but we rarely hire them, vote for them, or see them in the higher echelons of business or education.

We have no ritual to mark the crossing over to wise woman status and this is painful.  If your children have children, then you are automatically a grandmother and this is a ritual.  It is cause for pride, celebration and even envy from those of us who have not yet reached that esteemed category.

We need our older women, just like we need our older men, even if we can't officially call ourselves grandparents.  We have years of experience.  We are healthier and younger acting than ever before.  Many of us have the means, the energy and the time to be of service, to make a difference in the world today, even if we don't have grandchildren to nurture and guide.

What about power?

Can we embrace that, too?  Define it for ourselves and use it for the enrichment of the world we live in, the world future generations will inherit?  I think so.  Challenges like Tara's is a good beginning.  It is a way to open up, to begin the conversation.

We must embrace the possibilities, not merely label ourselves as old and tired and then use that as an excuse to stop trying to make a difference.

We can enter politics or the arts or spend our time raising money or raising consciousness for causes we care about.  We can inspire by running marathons, walking the Camino de Santiago, learning to surf or writing a novel.  I know women old enough to be grandmothers undertaking each one of these adventures.

And, if we want nothing more than to grandmother children even if we have none of our own, there are plenty of young people around who need our time, our talents, and our wisdom.

The power of a grandmother or crone or wise woman -- whatever you choose to call yourself -- lies in the decision to go for it -- whatever your it is -- regardless of whether or not you have grandchildren of your own.  In the bigger scheme of things, I don't think that matters at all!